REAL Outcomes

Numbers alone are not good enough for libraries anymore.  Now, we need to justify everything with context and show measurable outcomes of what we do.  It's not always easy, but it's necessary in order for libraries to remain funded.  These outcomes and context are the kinds of things that I look at when creating projects in the library and around the community.  You can read more about one here (before & after), if you haven't already.

Last week, we experimented.  We hosted a program that has never been done at the library before.  It was called, "Read to Me:  The Hobbit."  In celebration of the movie being released, we organized an afternoon full of hobbits, elves, dwarves, wolves, etc..  Every 20 minutes or so, different staff members would read part of The Hobbit for all to hear.

Unfortunately, I was unable to see the beginning.  However, I did watch the last couple of hours, and I happened to notice a girl sitting against the wall intent on the story.  Her mother made the comment that she doesn't read, and so she was shocked to see her actually spend time listening to the story.  Making a small impact like this shows that the library is reaching people, that's all the evidence I need.

It gets better, though.  Today, this girl and her mother returned.  They are regulars at the library, but this time was different.  This time, the girl had a book, The Hobbit to be precise.  She checked it out because she needed to know how the story ended!  Making a deal with her dad to both read the story, she was excited for the book.  Then she gave our teen librarian a hug which shows how much she impacts her teens.  Actually, all of this was her doing.  I just sat back and watched it happen.  Librarians--changing lives.

Ornery Greeks and Deep Thoughts

I've heard people say, "that makes my heart happy," or maybe, "you make my heart smile."  In fact, I'm sure that many of my friends use that phrase often.  I got to thinking about it the other day... It doesn't even make sense!  It's obviously just another example of hyperbole.  Then, I went to an area senior center, a new one in fact.

I showed up to talk about the many services that the library can offer the patrons there.  I always love doing these things.  The coordinator introduced me, and it was all an adventure from that point on.

Coordinator:  "We have a special guest today.  This young man is from the library and is going to talk about some great services and programs that might be of interest to you all."

Two ladies are walking toward me.
1:  "And not a bad looking young man either, hmm?"
2:  "Mmm hmmm."

Besides the fact that I may have been sexually harassed, it was incredibly fun.  Those ladies (and 1 gentleman) kept me on my toes.  They asked great questions, and I think I may have made some new friends!  :-P

After most people left, there was a couple sitting at a table.  We started talking, and soon I found out they were Greek.  They talked about the old country (seriously, the actual old country) and Dale Carnegie while I listened in awe.  Before I knew it, we were talking about the origins of our surnames and how our ancestors arrived in America.  This ornery Greek couple and I talked for quite a while, and it was exhilarating.

The time came when we all had to leave and go our separate ways, but as I was walking out of the center, I had an overwhelming feeling of warmth and happiness.  I thought on it, and that's when I figured it out:  they made my heart smile.  I was so happy that a smile on my face couldn't have even begun to display my feelings.

Another reason why I do what I do and love it.

Juggling

I've got a lot of balls in the air right now.
I'm designing three training webcasts for MALA/KCMLIN, one of which will be recorded on Monday.
I'm putting the finishing touches on a new staff incentive program at the branch.
I'm working on community partnerships with the YMCA and two new senior centers.
I'm gathering information from senior centers and nursing homes on activities so that we can better serve their needs.  If you know me, you know this is code for something, and you probably already know what it's code for.
Oh yeah, I'm looking for a place to move whilst trying to find money to fix my car and pay off school.

Mostly good things, right?  I thought that November and December were supposed to be slower months, but it turns out they are crazy busy!  Besides all of this extra stuff, I'm still doing schedules and always training on new things and/or changes to existing things.  Libraries are in perpetual beta, just like most software now.  Thanks, Google.

I'm really excited about a display that just went up.  It doesn't even have a genre/author theme!  It's a little bit of everything and it's called Hidden Treasures, things that patrons may have missed (probably because it ended up being shelved on the bottom shelf).  The display wasn't my idea, and the name wasn't my idea either.  Actually, I didn't even put up the display, but I helped make sure it went up.

I'm also excited because I think I cracked through some blog anxiety for a particular staff member.  We'll have to see how it plays out.

Shoot, no wonder I'm tired when I get home...

It figures...

You know, I'm getting tired of all this crap happening to me.  Granted, I've gotten used to it, but still...

Took my car in for an oil change and check up today.  Oil change and check up cost $37: great deal.  However, my power steering pump has failed and apparently is so bad that is has affected my rack and pinion gear: not so great deal.  It'll set me back about $1300: terrible deal.

Combine that with the class I have to pay off before I can finish grad school, and I'm pretty much up the creek (you know which creek it is).  So, I broke down and started a fundraising page.  I hate asking for help.  No, I FUCKING HATE IT.  My friends have been very good to me, and I'm just trying to do good by them, it's just taking forever.  I should buy a lottery ticket with my astronomically bad luck. <-- Correct usage of an adverb: bonus points.

Here's to bus routes and hermit living!

The Things I've Seen...

When I started at Mid-Continent Public Library in 2008, I had no idea what to expect.
By the end of my second week, I realized that I wanted to make libraries my career.
Three years later, I was given the opportunity to move forward with that career when I became an Assistant Branch Manager.

Moving up is great, and I'm sure I will move forward career-wise, but I can't tell you how fortunate I feel to work in libraries because of the "bonus" things I've done.  There are so many things that I have experienced that I never would have if I had chosen a different path.  I helped with the Wall that Heals in Blue Springs.  I was suckered into theatre because of my connections through the library.  I joined the chamber of commerce and met some really great people, too.  I have experienced three library conferences that just blew me away.  Not only did I learn and apply some really neat things, but I also met some great people that I'm sure will be in my life for years to come.  I've been in multiple parades and one time I was the book cart drill team leader!  I watched a veteran's round table at the Veteran's Salute last weekend and learned about a Vietnam veteran who actually got help for his nightmares.  Of course, I've witnessed the impact that libraries have in communities, too.  That Summer Outreach Program was incredible, and I smile every time a student comes in and says, "You were at my school!"

Sure, I've had some rough days.  It's also been tough to adjust to the whole management thing.  Through it all, though, these gems of the library see me through to the next day, and they will keep me going throughout my career.

I feel weird talking about my career.  I don't feel like I'm old enough to have an established career, but I also feel like I do have one.  I hope I'm not making anyone jealous, but, then again, I hope people are jealous.  I'm lucky and selfish about it.  :-)

Scheduling is a Bitch

Do I have to put a body to this entry?  Seriously, it is.  I'm trying to do my best to make sure there's coverage at the branch since we're down 2 staff, and it's nearly impossible.

Plus, I'm having to pick up the slack left in the absence.  Maybe I'm just having a bad day.

*NOT* a Crooner

Friday was the last day at the branch for one of Red Bridge's longest employees.  She was definitely a staple at Red Bridge, and I know that she touched a lot of lives.  She wanted me to sing a song for her at her party, since she hadn't seen me perform or sing.  I said I would, but honestly had no idea what to sing.

I first thought that I could try a classic crooner song by Frank, Bing, or someone else fancy.  Then I realized that I couldn't pull that off.  So then I started thinking about newer songs about goodbye and stuff, but most of those songs seemed really sad.  Then, I thought about Charlie Brown, like I do a lot.  I decided to sing "Happiness Is..." from the musical.  As it turned out, it was a very appropriate choice.  A song about the little things in life meaning big things was just what she wanted, and what she believed.  There's a video somewhere of it too.

The party was great though.  A lot of people showed up, and we gave her a personalized scrapbook with blank pages filled with guests' names.  Tomorrow is her last day, but I'm sure she will be back.
Tomorrow is also the last day for Diana at the old branch.  I went to her party on Friday, too!  I guess I was a busy guy.  Between the food, gifts, and huggy goodbyes, it was a full day.  I don't know when she'll pop in at the branch, though.  She's always doing something, so she may not for a while.  :-)

Two great children's librarians are retired now... wonder what the future holds?

Vegetables

I went to a Catholic grade school.  My school had 80 kids in it (K-8).  For lunch, we had the best cook, and she always had some great stuff whipped up.

Now, don't be alarmed, but I'm kind of a weird guy.  I was weird then, too.  I loved, and still love, vegetables.  Every day at lunch, I would eat my vegetables.  Other kids wouldn't, and they would offer them to me.  I would eat theirs, too, because veggies are awesome (though I will NEVER be a vegetarian).  They got a clean tray and could go back for seconds.  I would fill up on veggies and miss my second piece of pizza.

Then it hit me!  If I didn't eat their vegetables, they couldn't go back, and I could!  So I stopped eating other people's vegetables and went back for more pizza.  As I ate it in front of them, a smirk would form between bites.  Smug.

The End

I am *NOT* doing theatre for a while

Willy Wonka is over!  It's always bittersweet to be done with a show.  It will definitely be nice to have some free time again.  I'm not going to do a show until next year.  I know that that is going to be a first for me, but I've got to focus on finishing grad school.  I even signed up for Quintiles to get the money I need, $2200.  If I can get it before the semester starts this Fall, it would be great, but I'm not holding my breath.  I would love to go into detail about how I'm stuck in my program, but it's better not to have a written account of it before I'm done.  That way, there won't be anything keeping them from conferring my degree (just in case).  So, maybe things will work out?

Impact

This year's Summer Reading Program is a departure from previous years.  Instead of evaluating success by the number of library books checked out and read, MCPL switched to a less restricting format: children and teens can read books from anywhere, not just the library.  This shift is important because the aim of SRP should never be circulation boosts; it should be improved literacy.

Improved literacy is not exactly easy to measure.  It's not a quantitative factor; it's qualitative.  In this way, it is harder to measure the success of an outreach program, our recent outreach program to the area school district.  I did anyway.

The numbers are in, and it was an overwhelming success!  We signed up 104 students for library cards.  116 kids signed up for Summer Reading.  111 SRP prizes were awarded.  And just because we brought the library to their school, I counted the books circulated too: 508.

You know the best part?  The real way that I measured success?  Without us, these kids may not have had this opportunity to read or win prizes.  Plus, it's pretty cool when students recognize me at the library and tell me about the book they're reading.

Hopefully, this is just the beginning.  Not bad for a month's work!

Wonka Time

Whoa, Willy Wonka is just a week away... rehearsals are grueling, and sleep is hard to come by.  I hope it's worth it.

Cheer Up, Charlie is fantastic, though.  It will melt your heart.

Culture Shock

Last week, the YMCA kids came back to the library.  Since we had such success with the crime scene program, we decided to go with an impromptu style program for their culture theme.
Unfortunately, this time we had no planning time.  So, what did we do?

1. We introduced the kids to language.  We taught them how to say "Hello" in 20 languages!  Countries were on cards, and one of us said the greeting.  The kids who matched the country to the greeting got a frisbee.

2.  We explained how the same word can mean something different in a different country.  On a handout, we listed American English words and British English words; the kids had to match them.

3.  Moving on to other countries, I gave out clues to 10 different countries that were progressively more specific, working from what continent or climate it was to something very specific to that country.

4.  Finally, we had the kids put the world together by using cutouts.  I know that you might be thinking that the older kids were bored, but they were actually really into it!

When all was said and done, we had successfully hosted another impromptu program that entertained the kids.  The best part is that they learned without even realizing it.  A parent talked to me afterwards and said that they asked what their daughter learned.  "Nothing" was her response, but sure enough she was excited later on when she could tell her parents how Cambodians say "Hi!"

All of this was planned in roughly 24 hours, and I definitely could not have done it without the people at Red Bridge.  Cheers to sneaky learning!

Mission Y-Possible

June is a crazy month at the library.  Besides the Summer Reading Program, there is also an inundation of people coming into the library for other programs.

One such group of people is the YMCA kids.  They have a summer camp that lasts throughout most of the summer, and each week they have a theme.  Before Summer started, their leader came in and spoke to me about their future visits so that we would have books out for them and be prepared in general.
Well, they came in on Thursday, and we took it a step further.  For 35 kids, we designed a criminal observation program.  We asked the kids to use their keen skills of observation to find 3 pieces of concrete evidence in order to bring the culprit to justice.

I got to wreck the page area, and then we left behind a fingerprint, a shoeprint, and a message written in code.  After fingerprinting themselves and identifying what types of prints they had, they had to match the fingerprint to the prints of four suspects.  They also had a copy of four shoeprints which they had to match to the one at the crime scene.  Finally, they had to decipher a code to figure out what the secret message said.  We planned on making the clues easy, but as it turned out, they were way too easy.  Every kid was able to figure out who committed the crime, and they all had fun doing it.  As I'm not well versed in programming, I ended up deferring to the more experienced staff at the library.  At the end, I got to clean up the page area, and the kids got to keep a copy of their fingerprints.  All in all, it was another big success!

They'll be back in two weeks for Culture Shock!  I haven't figured out what to do then yet.

You're Like a Hero

On Tuesday, I put our new outreach program into action.

Sara, Roxy, and I travelled to a local elementary school so that we could share with them our Summer Reading Program and other library services.  Armed with 6 totes (600 books), two laptops, scanners, a receipt printer, and a display, we ventured to make a difference in students' lives.

When I first came up with the idea, I wasn't sure how it would go over.  I knew that a lot of the students in this school district did not have a way to get to the library, and probably more did not have internet access.  Without these vital things (that we all take for granted), they could not participate in our Summer Reading Program.

We packed up and arrived at the school at 8 am.  Finding our own area in their library, we set up everything and waited:

On Monday, I made the comment about us being really bored or really slammed.  The latter was true.  Before 11:30, we had seen at least 150 students.  There are 375 students enrolled in Summer School.  It was non-stop action.  We signed up 56 kids for library cards, and they checked out 120 books.  Of those books, a third of them were graphic novels, effectively draining our initial supply.  School libraries don't typically collect graphic novels yet.  They LOVED them.

If the next 3 weeks are even half as successful as this week, I will be elated.  Even if no students come in, I will be happy.  I think that this is a big first step in keeping these kids reading, and making it fun.  They even ransacked my display on different countries!  Thanks to those that contributed pieces, by the way.

When we got back to the branch, we were exhausted.  We barely had time to do anything but register students for cards at the school, but it was well worth it.  This is the kind of thing that I've always wanted to do through libraries.  I say that realizing that I've only been in libraries for 4 years.  If just one of these students goes on to make a difference in the world, it could be because of us.  It sounds airy, but I think that it is true.  They may not remember me specifically and they may not even remember that the library came to their school, but the knowledge that they may gain from this endeavor will have shown through in what they accomplish.

One of my friends commented "You're like a hero!"  I don't think I'm a hero.  I'm just doing what I love to do, and what I feel needs to be done.  That same friend also said that I make being librarian sound rad (or something to that effect).  I don't make it sound rad; it IS rad.

Next week, I put my Mo Willems stylings into action.  Stay tuned...

Tell Me A Story...

It's been a while since I've had a blog posted on MCPL's website:


May 23rd, 2012
Books have been around for a very long time. I mean, a REALLY long time. Many people, myself included, have an eReader or a way to access digital books, even audiobooks. With all of this new technology used to read and access information, it’s easy to forget where this information started.

Did you know that audiobooks have been around since the 1930s? It all started in 1931 when Congress established the talking-book program to help blind adults. The American Foundation for the Blind then started developing the first talking-books the next year. You may be asking, "What did they record on?" Well, they were recorded on 33 1/3 vinyl records or sometimes aluminum discs. Of course, audiobooks didn’t really catch on until the 1960s and ‘70s. At that time, libraries started offering them for free. The medium, the cassette tape, was also more readily available. Since then, audiobook popularity has exploded, and now you can find them on your library’s shelves and even online. MCPL offers many titles for download through two services, OneClickdigital and OverDrive Digital Downloads. You can access either service here.

Keeping with the tradition of the American Foundation for the Blind, the Wolfner Library for the Blind and Physically Handicapped provides audiobooks and braille materials to those who aren’t able to use standard print materials due to some visual or physical disability, temporary or permanent.

You can pick up an application for their services at any MCPL branch or by contacting them directly at 1.800.392.2614 or wolfner@sos.mo.gov.

If you’ve never tried an audiobook, I would suggest the Harry Potter series, narrated by Jim Dale, or any book narrated by Tom Stechschulte. Audiobooks are like having a grown-up storytime just for you! Come in and browse our audiobooks on display too. Be sure to check them out, no matter the format!

Summer Outreach and Why I Love My Job

Ok, there is an opportunity that came to me a couple of weeks ago, and I am excited to say that it is officially happening, and I couldn't be more excited!

Through communication with a local school district, it was brought to my attention that many students have no way of accessing the library’s services. Many students have library cards, as a result of past school visits, but very few have actually been to Red Bridge Library. Because of transportation constraints, limited internet access, and other socio-economic factors, they are unable to benefit from the library’s services, including the annual Summer Reading Program.

The school district hosts a Summer School program for Pre-K students through 4th Grade. The program lasts through the month of June, and I proposed that our branch visit these Summer School sessions weekly, effectively bringing the library to the students. We will be in the school's library center, and students will be able to visit this combined library during their enrichment periods. By providing the following, I want to expand access to the students who would otherwise not have it.

These are the things that we will bring to the library:

• 2 or 3 staff members
• 2 laptops with Circulation Management Software and barcode scanners
• 1 receipt printer
• Summer Reading Program reading logs
• library cards and card sign-ups
• SRP incentives/prizes
• totes filled with awesome things for students to check out including
• Juvenile Easy (picture) books
• Reader books (R1, R2, R3, Rocket Readers)
• Chapter books
• Juvenile Fiction
• Juvenile Non-Fiction
• easier Teen Fiction
• A weekly themed display

Yeah, that's right... a display every week to whet their appetites for reading.  I think this will get kids to check out more.  Even if they don't, the Summer Reading Program this year doesn't have the library book limitation.  Children can read their own books too, which means that students will be able to read their school's library books and count them for our SRP, too!

I have a special card to track those circulation statistics, too.

All of the items will be due back on the last day of the program, since it could get expensive for students and the library if they keep things longer.  Without transportation or internet, they will find it hard to renew, and no one wants to get charged for a book!

Finally, we will take no money and place no holds.  Having another bank is a lot of paperwork and not feasible, since we're in the early stages here.  Holds are impractical because they may not come in on time, among other things.

I'm hoping that this works out and that we can continue it next year.  I also hope that it can expand throughout the summer.  This is why I love being a librarian.

Questions & Calling

"A new factor, that of rapid change, has come into the world. We have not yet learned how to adjust ourselves to its economic and social consequences."

This was a quote used by Steven S. Little during his presentation at our Staff Development day yesterday.  He talked about sustainable growth in a business involving making changes, taking chances, excelling with customers, and just overall being a more productive business.  Even though libraries are non-profit, it still applies.

That quote is from the Harvard Business Review.  In 1932.  It was from the article, The Attack on Depressions, by Wallace B. Donham.  Why do I know this?  Well, Mr. Little told us where it was from initially.  He did not tell us the context though.  I saw and heard that quote and was instantly (or is it instantaneously?) curious about the context of such a quote.  What is it that posed such a change in 1932?  Common sense obviously led me to the depression, so I assumed it was something governmental.  However, it wasn't governmental at all:

Engineers working at Columbia University estimate that, before machinery, no nation ever succeeded in producing and using over 2,000 calories or units of energy per capita per day. This is little if any more than the amount required to feed, clothe and shelter a people living under rigorous conditions.  They contrast this with our present consumption of 150,000 units, or 75 times as much per capita as were used in George Washington's time. I expect their final results to show that at least 90% of this increase has taken place in the last 25 years.

The statements following that quote are startling.  The context of the statement was machinery.  Donham was talking about machinery and the incredible increase in production because of it.  In 1999, 12 exabytes encompassed the amount of information in the world.  In 2006, it was 161 exabytes.  In 2010, in was 988 exabytes.  Soon, we'll be in zettabyte range.  An exabyte is 1 BILLION GIGABYTES.  That's a lot of freaking information.  In roughly a decade, information has increased by over 8000%!  I think that's pretty astounding.

Why am I boring everyone but myself?  Because this is a presentation that solidified my desire in life.  As I sat (and stood) listening to everything that Little had to say, I realized that I was not only listening but I was also asking my own questions about things he said.  He opened by saying that he wasn't a motivational speaker, and he would leave us with questions.  The questions I was left with involved things not exactly related to his presentation:  What was the context for that quote?  Was that thing about the flag's stars and presidents true?  What's the ASL sign for "download?"  Why do they put oats on the crust of bread?  Why doesn't MCPL have video games?

All of these inquiries left me with the feeling that I did find my calling and that I made the right choice.  I really love what I do, and I like finding adventure in the mundane.  I can't tell you how many times that adventure has sprung from the mundane.  So, a presentation that was supposed to raise questions did raise questions.  They were questions that were really off the mark, but they were still raised!

P.S.  I found that article by combing the database Business Source Premier.
The permalink is: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=buh&AN=6765622&site=ehost-live

Restless Exhaustion

On a night during which I should have no trouble sleeping, I am kept awake by thoughts.  Earlier, my body was amped up, but my mind was mush.  Now, I find the opposite is true.

What keeps me up?  Introspection.  I always seem to have these conversations with a certain friend that spark further discussion within me.  I don't usually do a lot of self-reflection in a personal capacity.

It's amazing how complicated answers are to simple questions in life.
What makes us happy?
Who are we?
Who do we want to be?
Why do we dream?
Why does the word "green" refer to the color green?
Ok, that last may not be what I think about in a restless state, but nonetheless, someone might.

Self-reflection sucks, and though it's taken me a while, I feel like I know who I am (again).  I also know who and where I want to be, at least professionally.  Privately, I think I'm still trying to figure that out.  Maybe we all are, but I feel like I'm behind.

I'm only thumbs tonight so I can't spew a stream of consciousness onto the screen (they get tired), but there are a lot of thoughts inside this gigantic head of mine.  It's a scary place, and sometimes it amazes me how I cram more stuff in there every day.

A good way to describe my mentality with my personal life?  Laissez-fear.  That's not to say that I am motivated by fear; I firmly believe I am motivated more by love.  Besides the fact that fear just makes the combination of words better, I operate a lot on the notion that something may happen, hindering my happiness.  It's kind of ironic though because I like going on adventures and usually don't have issues with those consequences.  Only when they affect me emotionally do my decisions cause me grief.  Stuff to think about in my delirious half-sleep stuper.

Well, I know that "green" comes from Old English and/or German, and is closely related to "grown", "growing", or "to grow."  It also was used in reference to plants?  Sadly none of those tidbits tell us why "green", in any language, refers to the color green or any of that.

Enough rambling?

Tomorrow

I am *NOT* Annie Warbucks...
but now you have that song in your head.

Sitting, contemplating.
Yearning, hesitating.

Lying here,
Lying to myself.

Tomorrow, though it will,
never comes in my head.
I can't stop thinking,
obsessing about it.

Living for the present,
Ignoring.
Hoping for the future,
Worrying.

To tomorrow.

Time Passed

Not having consistent internet really wreaks havoc on a blog, doesn't it?  I know that I can go to the library, but going to the library causes me to think about work.  When I'm not working, I don't want to think about work.

Anyway, it has been quite a while, and I had a lot of stories that I wanted to post.  Unfortunately, I have since forgotten.  I still have the vegetable story on back-up, but again, that's for another time.  I apologize if this post gets to be too much, but I think this is a therapy post.  I don't mind others peeking in on my therapy, though.  That may even help too?

Ten years ago, Mom departed this world six months after Dad did.  February 11th, 2002 was the day that she drifted off.  It was a Monday, and I left for school that morning without giving her a kiss goodbye.  It was perhaps the only time that I had not done so.  I don't know why, but I remember looking at her in the morning and thinking that she looked so peaceful.  We had had a rough week earlier; she had coughed up blood a lot and didn't really eat much.  Even though Mom's doctor gave her 2 months, her hospice nurse called me and said that she didn't think Mom would make it that long.  She told me that I should get her things in order.  At 17, that was a harsh blow.  I never really thought that I would have to deal with it so soon.  No matter the circumstances, I had to deal with it.  That Monday morning, I decided to let her sleep because it didn't matter how long she had; it only mattered that she was at peace.

At school, I went through the motions and went to class.  During my desktop publishing class, the principal and the dean came down to the classroom and called Dave to the office.  This was serious because they always paged students; they NEVER retrieved them in person.  Worried about Dave, our friends and I waited.  After 20 minutes, the principal and dean returned.  They asked for me.  I got to the office and Dave was sitting there with a look... that look... on his face.  It was the kind of look that told me I'm sorry that your world is gone.  His look reached out to me so as to comfort me, even though there was no comfort to be had.  They asked me to sit, and the principal and dean began to tell me that my Aunt Terri called.  She had told them that my mom was "either dead or dying."  Sure, they could have phrased it better, but you can't really soften that blow.  They called Neil to the office, and the three of us sped to my house to get there.  I say sped because I don't think I've ever witnessed anyone driving THAT fast on THAT road (besides my dad).  We arrived and I walked in.  My Aunt was there, and all she said was, "She's gone, Danny."  The lawyer was supposed to come out that morning to square away everything, but she didn't make it that long.  I missed my chance to say goodbye, just as I did with Dad.

My dad had suffered for much of his life.  Born in the Great Depression and raised as a cowboy (the last of the breed according to my uncle), he joined up with the Air Force and served in Iceland during the Korean War.  Slipping on some stairs during his service didn't seem like a big problem a the time, but later on he found out that it subsequently caused his back to deteriorate.  3 crushed vertebrae and 8 cracked vertebrae contributed to his paralysis from the waist down.  I remember the last time he played catch with me.  He drove his first scooter out into the yard and stood beside it and made sure that we could play.  Oddly, it's the only time I really remember him playing catch with me.  Mom assured me that we had played many times before.  Anyway, as my dad's condition worsened, he was on full oxygen 24/7.  The last few weeks of his life, his brain received progressively less oxygen, and we convinced him to go to the hospital.  I had traveled to Michigan to see my brother earlier.  Mom called and asked told me to come home.  I came home; then my brother came home.  We drove him to the hospital and the nurses transferred him to a bed.  He wasn't doing well, so we left to go back home.  We expected to pick him up later in the week.  When we got home though, Mom informed us that the hospital called three times, each time after his heart stopped.  The third time they could not restart it.  I never thought I would lose both so soon.

With time passed, wounds heal.  I sometimes get really emotional about Mom and Dad.  I always call Aunt Terri on her birthday.  Her birthday is February 11th, so it not only gives me a chance to say "Happy Birthday," but it also gives me a chance to talk about Mom, her only sister.  This year was something... ten years past, and things still kinda suck, but I feel like I've made the best of it.  My cousin sent me a facebook message to call him on Friday (Feb 10th).  My spidey sense went off.  This wasn't normal.  This was important.  I didn't want to call, but I felt like I had to.  I think I waited almost an hour until I called.

I didn't get to call Aunt Terri on her birthday.  I didn't get to talk about Mom.  I didn't get to say goodbye.

I met my uncle Jim for the first time this week.  He was Terri's first husband.  He had me confused with my brother.  He thought I was him.  We've never met.  He told me that he and my dad used to go hunting all the time.  I didn't know my dad liked to hunt.  He told me that Mom lived with him and Aunt Terri in North Carolina.  I didn't know that either.  It's weird how even ten years after they're gone, my parents are still teaching me things.  I guess that's their After Glow.