Restless Exhaustion

On a night during which I should have no trouble sleeping, I am kept awake by thoughts.  Earlier, my body was amped up, but my mind was mush.  Now, I find the opposite is true.

What keeps me up?  Introspection.  I always seem to have these conversations with a certain friend that spark further discussion within me.  I don't usually do a lot of self-reflection in a personal capacity.

It's amazing how complicated answers are to simple questions in life.
What makes us happy?
Who are we?
Who do we want to be?
Why do we dream?
Why does the word "green" refer to the color green?
Ok, that last may not be what I think about in a restless state, but nonetheless, someone might.

Self-reflection sucks, and though it's taken me a while, I feel like I know who I am (again).  I also know who and where I want to be, at least professionally.  Privately, I think I'm still trying to figure that out.  Maybe we all are, but I feel like I'm behind.

I'm only thumbs tonight so I can't spew a stream of consciousness onto the screen (they get tired), but there are a lot of thoughts inside this gigantic head of mine.  It's a scary place, and sometimes it amazes me how I cram more stuff in there every day.

A good way to describe my mentality with my personal life?  Laissez-fear.  That's not to say that I am motivated by fear; I firmly believe I am motivated more by love.  Besides the fact that fear just makes the combination of words better, I operate a lot on the notion that something may happen, hindering my happiness.  It's kind of ironic though because I like going on adventures and usually don't have issues with those consequences.  Only when they affect me emotionally do my decisions cause me grief.  Stuff to think about in my delirious half-sleep stuper.

Well, I know that "green" comes from Old English and/or German, and is closely related to "grown", "growing", or "to grow."  It also was used in reference to plants?  Sadly none of those tidbits tell us why "green", in any language, refers to the color green or any of that.

Enough rambling?