Thesis + Antithesis = Synthesis

I was taught that in my many history classes.  First, a thesis is formed.  Then, an antithesis is brought about, usually in direct opposition to the thesis.  After careful consideration, reflection and criticism, a synthesis can be formed from the opposing viewpoints.  Ultimately, that synthesis becomes a new thesis, and the whole process begins again (just like Michael Finnegan).

In life, we are always faced with these viewpoints.  In fact, our whole life is made up of choices based on what we experience.  These choices are often influenced by those closest to us.  In taking advice from loved ones, we can only hope to formulate our own thesis about life (or at least individual moments).  I have always tried to take my mom's advice about anything.  My mom was an incredible woman, and I can only hope to be half the person that she was.  She has influenced my life so much, and she still does, though she is gone.  I think that throughout her life she was happy.  She always saw the silver lining no matter how dark the clouds were, and even though she experienced things that I would never want anyone to suffer through, she came out the other alright.  She always told me to make sure that I am happy, and other friends have told me that as well.  I guess it takes a ton of bricks to knock some sense into me, but I finally started doing things that made me happy.

My job makes me happy, that's for sure.  I can't put into words how I feel about libraries.  I never thought that I would want to do something like what I do now, but I just feel like I have found a lifelong career.  If my career makes me happy, and I need to do what makes me happy, I should be... happy, right?  Logically, it makes perfect sense to be happy, but at the same time my happiness has split.  Because of this ideological split, I am faced with uneasiness and anxiety.  A very good friend of mine told me about her grandmother's advice about happiness/careers.  She had said that if you focus on your career, everything else will fall into place.  It's a good philosophy.  So is my mom's.  I can't discredit either because both are sound.  So, now I am faced with torturous reflection, consideration and criticism of two theses.  At some point (soon, I hope), I want to have had considered these philosophies and formulate my own synthesis of my situation.  Hindsight is always 20/20, and I wish that forethought was too.  It's just really hard to make such decisions when a career is in one place, and happiness is in another.

Is it an itch?  Is it homesickness?  Is it an adventurous spirit?  I don't know exactly, but I want to figure it out.  Until then, I will *NOT* hang myself, but I may have a pit in my stomach and a lump in my throat.